everything i bought and how it made me feel

everything i bought and how it made me feel (potentially including a spoiler)
Item: Entertainment (Theatre)
Cost: £12
Needs: 10% Safety, 30% Love/belonging, 60% Self-actualisation
Affect: Excellent / +7

it feels funny to pay for something about how it feels to pay for something / but this happens a lot with theatre / the act of buying a ticket somehow contradicted by the content / it is ok because this feels worth it / i am happy to support this / i am happy to be here / i want to see this / it feels like the work displayed in a blog has been the long warm up act / keenly followed / and here is the finale / a low key finale / i recognise a lot of the audience / some of them have done things i have seen / i would like to feel like i belong more than i do / i can’t talk to them / this is sort of what i do for a living but i can’t talk to them / harry starts to talk and it feels like home / echoes of edinburgh / i clap along to a premise i know is false / laugh a little / art as self-help / theatre as a path to self-improvement / it begins to unravel / receipts pulled from bags / next slide next slide next slide / my thoughts wander / i do not think of what i buy beyond trying to spend as little as possible / i support ethical shopping in principle but i cannot follow in practice / i want to rage about working conditions and feel my conscience but don’t / i would like to be better but in sainsburys the sweets look so good / so i buy things i know will be sweet for a second / at the months end just before payday i grapple with the things i should not have bought / then buy them all again next month / this show makes me feel like a bad person sometimes / next slide next slide next slide / graphs plotting a breakdown / he seems stressed and i feel all of his stress / he stammers and i wonder if it is a theatrical device / in the end i decide it is not but i is pure frustration / he wraps receipt roll around us / wades through a year of his life on stage / he begins to break and it really really feels like he is breaking / this feels worth it / i wanted to see this but it is much more uncomfortable and personal than expected / less raging at the system and more anger at the self / but frustration at the system stemmed from the anger it causes about the self / this piece is really angry / a quiet corner of agression in expensive streets of London / harry supposes it is all meaningless / the overall effect feels positive


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